Darkness Illuminated
by casinina
Summary: Once again, Merlin finds himself the only defense against a new evil threatening Camelot. Will he be able to save his friends? Will he be able to save himself when he becomes a target? And what will be the consequence if he does? Mild Merlin!Whump and a heaping dose of angst and bromance
1. Chapter 1

Merlin ran down the corridor, ignoring the angry looks of the others he was dodging (and sometimes running into) as he focused on his destination. He had to warn the king, though what exactly he was going to tell him he still wasn't sure. Really, trying to explain that the ruler of the foreign delegation they were currently entertaining was actually some sort of evil spirit in disguise might not go over well, especially without proof.

The Belgin delegation had been giving him a funny feeling since their arrival, at least the king and his advisor had. However, so far they had been perfect guests though it was all Merlin could do to leave the room the evening before when the foreign king had asked for the servants to be dismissed so they might discuss some more sensitive matters. Only the fact that Gaius and the king's closest knights were there gave him some comfort. Arthur had been closed lip about the discussion when Merlin had helped him ready for bed later that night but it seemed nothing untoward had occurred.

Still, he couldn't shake the feeling and so took the opportunity of another private meeting called at breakfast to snoop around the quarters assigned to the guests. A short time later, he was standing in the middle of the room, frustrated by his fruitless search when heard footsteps approach followed very soon by the handle of the door moving. He dashed towards the antechamber and hid from sight just as the king and his advisor walked in. _Breakfast must have ended early_ , he thought ruefully.

"Things are progressing better than we could have hoped," the advisor stated, shedding his cloak and throwing in onto the bed.

"Indeed!" the Belgin king agreed. "The most powerful kingdom in the land will soon be under our control."

Merlin dared a peek through a crack in the door at this statement, his instincts appearing to be proving right – they _were_ up to something! With the proximity of the two, his magic was once again flaring in alarm so he let a little out to focus on the two better, trying to find the source of the sensation. At first it just appeared a darkness surrounded the two, made more obvious by the sun streaming into the room He concentrated a bit more and the darkness resolved into a shadowy figure, seeming to be superimposed on each of the men. He would have to check with Gaius but his guess was the two were possessed.

"And who would have thought we'd find a candidate for our Master here of all places," the king continued.

The advisor nodded, "finally, after so long, he will finally be released! Oh, the havoc we will wreck upon this land once that happens!"

Merlin had heard enough. He didn't know who this 'Master' was but could only assume the 'candidate' they were referring to was Arthur. He had to warn him he was in danger. Fortunately, this antechamber had an exit to the corridor and he was able to slip out quietly before taking off on his sprint through the castle.

He paused for just a moment to catch his breath before opening the door into the small council room Arthur used when gathered with his closest advisors which included the inner circle of his round table knights most of whom were gathered with him now. Arthur glanced up curiously as his servant entered, breaking off whatever he had been saying to Leon who was perched at his side. Merlin noted that Gwaine and Lancelot were also present and felt a bit of relief. At least the latter would be able to read between the lines and help him convince the king of the danger.

"Merlin!" the Arthu raised his eyebrow. "What are doing here? Didn't I give you enough work this morning."

"I'm sorry to intrude, Sire, but I had to speak with you. It couldn't wait."

The king's eyebrow rose higher. "Alright, I'll bite. What is so important?" Merlin chewed on his lip, unsure where to start. "Well?" Arthur was quickly growing impatient.

"King Torin and his party – I don't think they are as they seem."

"And?"

"And what?"

Arthur huffed in frustration. "And why do you think this?" he growled.

"I-I saw something."

Merlin paused too long again and the Arthur came around the table to stand in front of him, clearly starting to get angry now. "Oh for pity's sake Merlin! Out with it already or leave!"

"I saw them doing magic!" the servant blurted. It wasn't entirely accurate but he knew that would get everyone's attention. To his surprise, Arthur's reaction was only another lift of his brow.

"Did you now?"

Merlin opened his mouth to explain what he had seen, about the dark specters that seemed to be inhabiting the foreigners, but the words caught in his throat as he continued to meet the gaze of his king. He did not like what he was seeing in the blue eyes regarding him calmly, coldly. He knew those eyes better than anyone's but they now appeared like those of a stranger.

Cold fear gripping his heart, he took a step back. "You already knew," he was glad his voice sounded calm though his pulse was racing.

"Knew what?" Arthur smiled but there was malice in it. "That our friends from Belgin are possessed perhaps?"

Merlin felt like an idiot. He had been so consumed with reaching Arthur and warning him, he hadn't realized he was feeling the same warning from his magic as he had with the Belgin's. _He's one of them_! Merlin realized.

"Who are you? What are you?" he demanded, anger filling him.

"You will find out soon enough," Arthur closed the distance between them and Merlin could feel the evil radiating from his friend. His magic bubbled to the surface in response and he had to fist his hands to prevent it from striking out. He had no idea what that would do to the king or how much he would remember.

"In fact," evil Arthur continued, "perhaps we should show you."

Merlin had no doubt as to the intent of that statement. They meant to take him as well though why they would bother with a lowly servant he wasn't sure. Spinning on his heel, he intended to try to escape the chamber, regroup and see if he could figure out a way to free his king and the others from this madness. But he had forgotten the other knights in the room and he found his way barred by the two he counted amongst his closest friends. The look in their eyes told him they too were under the influence of the same evil. Knowing he couldn't risk being taken and possessed as well if there was any hope of freeing his friends, Merlin prepared to push the knights out of the way with his magic and damn the consequences. He never got the chance as Arthur came up behind him, wrapping his arm around the servant's waist while simultaneously pressing a cloth over his nose and mouth saturated with noxious chemicals. The demons had picked the perfect person to subdue the warlock as his concern about possibly hurting Arthur made him hesitate to use his magic against the king. Instinctively he only grabbed at the arm holding the cloth trying to buck his way free but the king was strong and the fumes even stronger. Merlin's struggles quickly subsided as his eyes drooped closed and he became limp in Arthur's grasp. The king guided the servant to the ground and threw the rag aside.

"That was easier than I expected. I don't understand why he didn't use his magic."

"I told you he wouldn't risk harming you," Lancelot answered, staring dispassionately down at his once best friend now unconscious on the cold stone.

Arthur nodded, "and the physician's potion was as effective as he said it would be." He caressed Merlin's cheek with the back of his hand. It would have looked affectionate if not for the possessive gleam in his eyes. "We could not afford to risk damaging such a prize," he gloated then quickly rose to his feet again. "Bring him to the formal council room and I will gather the others," he ordered. "It is time we released our Master!"


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: For those of you following this story (or just tuning in), I want to assure you that this story is complete – I'm just editing and polishing before releasing chapters which will likely be four total. I promise not to leave you hanging (I hate that!)._

It was a second noxious chemical that rudely brought Merlin back to consciousness as it was waved under his nose. Blearily opening his eyes, it took a moment to bring the blurry figure hovering over him into focus. He felt a second of relief as his guardian came into view before he was roughly brought to his feet, arms pinned behind him. His vision wavered black and he had to take several deep breaths to fight passing out again, nearly all his weight being supported by whomever was holding his arms. When he was finally able to get the dizziness under control and support himself on his own two feet, he raised his head to find himself in big trouble.

He was in the large council chamber now, the one with the round table. Figures were arranged all around him - the two kings, Gaius, Gwen and Arthur's inner circle of knights. By process of elimination, he assumed it was Percival holding his arms. Merlin fought down the wave of despair that hit him at seeing almost everyone he cared for possessed by these demons as his former king approached him. Hardening his expression, he glared at older man.

"Now, now," the blond chided. "Don't look so sullen Merlin. You are about to be granted a great honor!"

"Am I?" the warlock didn't sound convinced.

"For centuries, we have been waiting for the moment we could roam free once again and working towards the release of our Master. Now that time is finally upon us!" he crowed as one of the foreigners brought a staff to him. It was simple enough except for the stone at its top. That was as black as night and seemed to absorb rather than reflect the light from the room. "All we needed," Arthur continued, "was a sorcerer powerful enough to contain him." He glided closer until he was within in reach of the warlock and brushed his fingers along Merlin's cheek. "Now we have finally found one."

Merlin jerked his head away feeling his magic bubble to the surface defensively. "Ah-ah," the king tutted. "Resist us and the consequences could be fatal to our hosts, this one in particular," he gestured to himself.

"How do I know they aren't already lost?"

Arthur shrugged. "I guess you don't. But can you really take the chance?" He laughed again as Merlin bowed his head, having read the warlock correctly. "Now, hold out your hand." One of Merlin's hands was released but when he didn't offer it up immediately, the man behind him did it for him. Before Merlin could even think of pulling it away, Arthur sliced his palm with a dagger the warlock hadn't even noticed him holding. He hissed at the sharp pain and then the king was holding the staff out to him. "Take it!" he ordered.

Merlin made no move to do so. Arthur sighed in annoyance and glanced over to Gaius who was still standing close by and approached at the unspoken beckoning. Arthur moved his dagger to rest on the physician's throat. Gaius appeared completely unconcerned by its presence though the king was applying enough pressure to draw a drop of blood.

"You will stop fighting us on this or I will kill your friends one by one."

Glancing back and forth between his king and his mentor, Merlin could see no option. Though Gaius was no longer really Gaius, he couldn't just let him die. He took the staff from Arthur and the wood began to glow slightly.

Arthur's eyes gleamed in anticipation seeing the staff's reaction to Merlin, or more specifically, Merlin's blood. "Now, read the inscription on the staff," he ordered.

Merlin's eyes widened slightly. _Well that's at least one question answered_ , he thought, having wondered why they had even let him regain consciousness. Apparently he needed to be an active participant in his own possession. He noticed Arthur press the blade more firmly against Gaius' throat at his delay and brought the staff closer. Sure enough, there was an inscription on the top of the staff near the crystal.

"I don't recognize this language. How am I supposed to read it?"

"Sound it out!" the king growled. Sighing, Merlin turned his eyes to the staff once more and read the inscription, purposely mangling several of the words, hoping his reputation as an idiot would serve him here. It didn't work. Arthur merely pulled the physician in closer. Grabbing the old man by the hair, he placed the whole blade against the man's now completely bared throat.

"Last chance, boy, or this one dies! Read it properly!"

Swallowing past the lump forming in his throat, the warlock complied. The reaction from the staff and crystal were instantaneous. Both started radiating a darkness that seemed to pulse in time with Merlin's heart. As Merlin stared at it, unable to look away, a stream of black began to arise from it. Coiling like a snake around the staff, it started making its way towards the warlock's hand where it still grasped the wood. He tried to let go only to find his hand frozen in place. Watching helplessly as the dark drew ever closer, he flashed back to his battle with the sorcerer Sigan – this felt very similar. Suddenly, Merlin knew what to do.

He closed his eyes briefly, appearing defeated but in actuality gathering his magic. He had to time this perfectly, anything less and his friends could potentially die or he himself would join their ranks. He waited until the dark coil reached his hand and released a wave of magic that knocked the ones surrounding him to their backs. Simultaneously he started chanting the same spell that he had used those many years ago. The light in the crystal changed and the darkness that had begun coiling around his chest now, leaving a deep cold in its wake, began to recede. Merlin chanted his spell again, continuing to exert his will against the evil trying to enslave him. He could feel the strain of the powerful magic, much worse than it had been with Sigan, but he was stronger now than he had been then and slowly, the dark coil was forced to draw back into the crystal.

"No!" Arthur roared, coming to his feet and approaching the warlock. "You will stop this and release him!"

Merlin only stared at this mockery of his friend, steely determination written on his face.

"Now!" the demon screamed. "Or I will kill this vessel!"

"I don't think so," the warlock stated quietly and released the restraints on his magic. He didn't chant a spell, instead relying on the instinctual part of his gift to know what to do. His body started glowing, a bright white that was the antithesis to the darkness the crystal emanated. The Arthur creature began backing away in fear, but did not get far before the light shot out from Merlin and into every one of the demons in the room. Primordial screams echoed throughout the chamber as dark shadows began to rise from their hosts and swirl around the room like a tempest. Merlin raised the staff into the air his hair and clothing whipping in a wind he had to fight to stand against as the shadows were drawn into the crystal like their Master had been. Then suddenly, it was quiet and the warlock staggered as the wind he'd been struggling against released him. The staff throbbed in his hands, the crystal pulsing as the energy contained within it demanded release and he knew he wouldn't be able to hold them back for long. Forcing down his fatigue, he chanted again, eyes glowing brightly and a seed of white light appeared in the dark stone. Slowly it grew, sending out smaller projections like lightening through the gem. Cracks started to appear and with a cry, Merlin brought the staff down and struck it against the hard stone of the floor. A flash of black and white caused all of them to shield their eyes and when it had subsided, the crystal and staff were gone.

Panting heavily, Merlin desperately wanted to go to his friends but it was all he could do just to stay on his feet. Through the black motes obscuring a lot of his vision, he was able to see them in various stages of rising to their feet. Bewilderment was clear on their faces but they all appeared relatively unharmed. He sensed more than saw Arthur's approach and warily raised his eyes to meet those of his friend's. Relief washed through him as he noted a myriad of emotions cross his king's face but no evidence of the evil he had felt before. It was all Arthur.

"Alright then?" he managed to croak before the blackness finished filling his vision sinking into oblivion before the king could respond.


	3. Chapter 3

Later Arthur would attribute his reaction to years of knight training as, stunned though he was, he was still able to act quickly enough to keep Merlin from crashing to the ground. Catching him by the waist, the king guided them both carefully to the floor as the servant crumpled, kneeling to support his now completely limp form. He barely registered Gaius kneeling on his ward's other side, unable to tear his gaze away from the pale face as Merlin's head lolled against his arm. The physician felt for his ward's pulse and breathed a sigh of relief when he found it, slower and weaker than he liked but present.

Arthur met the old man's eyes. "Gaius," he breathed. "What was that?"

"What was what, Sire?"

"What did Merlin just do?"

The old man just stared at him silently, eyebrow raising as it always did when Arthur asked a stupid question.

"I mean, I know it was magic, but…" the king stammered.

"Yes, sire," the physician interrupted. "And it just saved you, all of us, and your kingdom," he felt compelled to point out trying to diffuse the anger he expected from the king.

But it wasn't anger Arthur was responding with, it was more like awe. "But I've never seen anything, felt anything like that." Even as he said it, he realized that wasn't exactly accurate. He _had_ felt something similar before, in the caves of Balor when a mysterious light had saved his life. "Magic spells don't feel like that," he pressed on.

The physician looked down at the boy he thought of as a son and brushed the dark hair from his forehead with wonderment in his eyes. "That light wasn't a spell, that was just Merlin."

Arthur shook his head. "I don't understand."

The others had gathered closer, those who had made it to their feet anyway. The two foreigners were still on their knees, stunned. It appeared their longer exposure to the creatures was making their recovery slower. Gaius raised his voiced some so the gathered knights and queen could also hear as he tried to explain. "Merlin doesn't just have magic, Sire. He is magic itself. It flows through him like blood. It is part of his essence, his life force as it were. That light was his magic."

"But magic is evil," Arthur automatically responded but it lacked his usual vehemence as he stared in confusion at his prostrate friend. What he had felt was not evil, it had been too…pure.

"Magic can be used for evil, Sire," Gaius agreed. "But it is drawn from life itself and thus it cannot really be defined as good or evil. What it can be is a reflection of the soul of the person who wields it. That is what you felt, Arthur, Merlin's very soul, his magic stripped of all the restraint he normally imposes upon it and just unleashed." The physician could tell Arthur was having a hard time processing this but he was heartened to see it was wonderment with which the king studied the man in his arms and not fear or anger.

He was hesitant to disturb whatever thoughts were going through his lord's head but he needed to see to his patient. "Sire?" he placed a hand gently on Arthur's arm. "I really need to get Merlin back to my quarters."

Arthur looked at him alarmed. "He should be fine," Gaius hastened to reassure everyone, "but he overused his gift and that degree of exhaustion can become life-threatening if not dealt with properly."

"Here," Gwaine came forward, "I'll take him."

"No," Arthur stated, unconsciously pulling his servant in closer and not noticing the look of anger that crossed the knight's face.

"Arthur," he began to protest, fearing the king was finally coming to his senses. He was not about to see his friend in the dungeon.

"I've got him," the king interrupted and placing his other arm under Merlin's knees, rose to his feet with the young warlock securely in his grasp. "See to the Belgin's," he ordered Leon, "and see that they are sequestered until I have a chance to talk to them more." Addressing the group at large, he continued. "No one is to speak of what happened here. No one else outside this room is to know, is that clear?"

Once he received acknowledgment from them all (and several concerned glances at the motionless figure in his arms), Arthur followed Gaius from the chamber, bearing Merlin's slight frame easily. Still not entirely sure of the king's intentions, Gwaine accompanied the pair out. Lancelot was sorely pressed to follow them but knew Gwaine would keep Merlin safe enough. He would help Leon with the Belgins and make himself useful doing magic damage control.

* * *

Gaius directed Arthur to take Merlin to his room, figuring he'd ultimately be more comfortable there. He and Gwaine had just gotten the boy settled under the thin blanket as the physician finally followed them with a potion in hand.

"Let's see if we can get him to take some of this. It will speed his recovery."

Arthur watched as Gwaine assisted the physician, recognizing the knight needed some physical contact to reassure himself his friend was alright.

Gaius got about half the mixture down before allowing the knight to settle the boy once more under the blanket. Taking Merlin's wrist to assess his pulse, he noted the hand was colder than he wanted. "Can you scrounge up some extra blankets for him? It's imperative we keep him warm."

Gwaine ran off to do just that as Arthur continued to stare down at Merlin, his expression closed off and unreadable.

Keeping hold of his ward's hand, his thumb absently rubbing it soothingly, Gaius glanced up at his liege lord. "If I may ask, Sire. What is your intent?"

Arthur's gaze snapped to the physician as if he had forgotten he was there. "What?"

"Your intent, Sire. What do you mean to do about Merlin?"

Arthur frowned down at the young man. "Honestly, I hadn't thought that far ahead. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around everything."

"He's wanted to tell you for so long, Sire."

"Then why didn't he?"

"Because despite the fact that he uses his magic for you, to protect you and protect Camelot, it is still illegal and carries a death sentence."

"I have no intention of executing him Gaius! How could I even consider such a thing especially after…after that?" he gestured vaguely in Merlin's direction but was referring to the events in the council chamber.

"I am relieved to hear it, Sire."

Arthur's brow was creased, his mind obviously churning. "You said he's been protecting me. How?"

"That and the many other questions I'm sure you have should be answered by Merlin, Sire. You'll just have to wait until he recovers."

"I hate waiting," he mumbled. Gaius tried to suppress a grin at the petulant tone.

Arthur didn't have a chance to press further as Gwaine returned with enough blankets for a small village and proceeded to bury the young warlock under them until the physician finally had to put a stop to it. With nothing more to be done for the stricken boy except allow time to work its own magic, Arthur reluctantly turned to leave.

"Gwaine, stay and help Gaius. I'm going to go deal with our guests."

The knight nodded, relieved he wasn't going to have to argue with his king about staying as he had no intention of leaving until he knew his friend was out of danger.

* * *

At the conclusion of his conversation with the Belgin delegates, Arthur felt reassured that not only would they not reveal what had occurred as it would look as bad for them as for Camelot, but they would become strong allies. Leaving the guest quarters he turned to Lancelot who had assigned himself to them and was thus present through the discussion.

"Please continue to see to their needs until they depart tomorrow," he ordered and turned to leave only to be stopped by the knight's hand on his arm.

"Sire, about Merlin…"

'You knew," Arthur interrupted angrily, "yet you said nothing." His shock was wearing off and this was one of many thoughts that had been churning in his mind.

"I made a promise," Lancelot stated, as if that explained it all.

"What about your promise to me as a knight?"

"Merlin does with his magic as I do with my sword. Protecting him protects Camelot and thus does not violate my promise to you."

"It does if you're breaking the law."

"Maybe it's time you changed that law. It's not like you haven't changed others – I wouldn't be standing here otherwise."

"That's different. Magic has never brought anything but harm upon my kingdom."

"That is just your father talking," Lancelot spat back before sighing and placing a hand on Arthur's shoulder. "Trust me when I say you wouldn't have a kingdom if not for Merlin and his magic. Don't judge him before you talk to him Sire. Merlin told me once that he had always questioned why he was born with magic until he met you. He believes he was given his magic to protect you and I know he has sacrificed and suffered much in fulfilling that duty and mostly alone. I beg you to keep that in mind."

Arthur met the knight's pleading gaze and having no response, settled for a terse nod before turning away. His mind and heart were spinning with conflicting emotions as he tried to reconcile the doctrines he was raised with against each new revelation about his servant. He wasn't paying attention to where he was going until his feet brought him back to Gaius's quarters. He debated turning around and heading to his own room but only for a second before he opened the door and strode through. The old man looked up from some potions he was concocting, eyebrow lifting in question.

"How is he?" the king asked, gesturing towards Merlin's closed door.

"Sleeping and likely to do so until at least morning." He watched Arthur's face as the king seemed obviously uncertain as to what to do. "You're welcome to check on him, Sire," he encouraged.

That seemed to relieve the man of his inertia and he nodded once before heading up the small flight of stairs to his servant's room. A small candle on the bedside table provided enough illumination for him to take in the boy's face, relaxed in sleep. Seeing him like this, pale with dark circles under his eyes and looking so vulnerable, Arthur just couldn't hold onto to the thought that a powerful sorcerer was lying there. He saw only Merlin, saw only his friend.

"You look troubled Princess," a voice sounded from the shadows causing the king to jump. Gwaine was settled on the floor in the room's corner.

"What are you still doing here?" Arthur demanded, letting irritation mask his still racing heart.

"What do you think?"

"I think you should go to your quarters now. I'll sit with Merlin."

"I'm quite comfortable here, thank you."

Arthur glared at him when it became obvious the knight had no intention of moving. "You're protecting him from me!" he realized. "He's not exactly defenseless you know."

"Right this second I beg to differ Princess, especially when it comes to you."

"Meaning what exactly?"

"Meaning you could probably do anything you pleased to Merlin and he wouldn't raise a finger to stop you. That's how devoted to you he is."

Arthur let his gaze fall on the man in question again, the retort freezing on his lips when he flashed back to the council chambers. He vividly remembered using that very devotion against the servant to subdue him. He felt almost sick as he also remembered the pleasure he had felt as Merlin had struggled and the satisfaction when the boy had succumbed to the drug and collapsed in his arms.

He shook his head, willing the memory away. "I'm so sorry, Merlin" he found himself murmuring, unaware of Gwaine's raised eyebrows at the comment. He pulled the sole chair in the room to the side of the bed and sat down, wearily running his fingers through his hair.

"Maybe _you_ should think about retiring, Sire," Gwaine suggested quietly.

"I can't even begin to think about sleeping." He glanced over at the knight. "How long have you known?"

"About Merlin's magic?"

Arthur nodded.

"Officially, as long as you have, but I've suspected it for quite some time."

"Seriously? Why?"

"The evidence has always been there Arthur. Think back on all the near misses, miraculous escapes and defeats of magical dangers we had no right being able to defeat. It's clear now to see Merlin's hand in all of it."

Arthur had no response, obviously sifting through just those memories.

"Besides, who did you think 'Magic' was when you quested to the Perilous Lands?"

Arthur glanced up sharply at that, remembering the little man on the bridge. "I just assumed he was speaking metaphorically."

"Apparently not."

Arthur just rubbed his face with his hands again. "All my life, the evil of magic has been drilled into me. Now I don't know what to think anymore."

"Do you think Merlin is evil?" Gwaine asked simply.

The king glanced at his servant. "I don't think Merlin has an evil bone in his body. I've never met anyone with as much compassion and just plain kindness as him. And if I had had any doubt, what I felt today in that council chamber would have erased it."

"Yes, that was something wasn't it?"

Arthur didn't answer and the silence dragged out until Gwaine finally asked, "so what will you do?"

"Honestly, I don't know yet," he raised a hand to stop the protest on Gwaine's lips. "I promise you, I don't intend to execute him, or even arrest him if that's what you're worried about."

"How reassuring," the knight replied sarcastically.

"I need to talk to him first Gwaine. I have too many questions and there's too much water under the bridge to change all of my opinions about magic in one day. Surely you can understand that?"

"Actually it's all very black and white to me but you do what you need to do Princess. I'll warn you though, you hurt him and you'll have me to answer to."

"Your fealty is supposed to be to me Sir Gwaine."

"And it will continue to be so as long as you continue to earn it. Like I said, 'black and white'."

Arthur couldn't suppress the small smile that came to his lips. Gwaine's bluntness was actually something he appreciated about the knight, as annoying as it was sometimes.

Silence reigned once again as each man retreated to his own thoughts. Arthur sat watching the steady rise and fall of Merlin's chest as his emotions regarding the servant fluctuated amongst concern, gratitude, anger and betrayal. It was with this maelstrom cycling in his mind that the exertions of the day finally took their toll and he dozed off in the chair. Gwaine smiled as his king started to snore quietly and then closed his own eyes to catch some sleep himself. He had a feeling he might need it.

* * *

 _A/N: One more chapter to go and the Arthur / Merlin piece is going two different ways based on some of the feedback I've received. So if you have an opinion on how you want to see this play out now is the time to speak up :-)_


	4. Chapter 4

Gwaine started awake just as dawn was breaking. He wasn't sure what had woken him until a small moan emanated from across the room. Immediately on his feet, Gwaine approached the bed and perched on its edge just as Merlin's eyes fluttered open and then shut again with a wince.

"Hey there mate!," Gwaine placed his hand gently on Merlin's shoulder. "How are you feeling?"

"Head hurts," the young man groaned.

"I'll get Gaius."

"No!" Merlin stopped him before he even had a chance to rise to his feet. "He'll just give me something to send me back to sleep. I'm sure it will pass on its own." He opened his eyes to find Gwaine staring at him skeptically. "Please?"

The knight snorted, "you know I can't resist you when you beg."

Merlin smiled and it erased some of the pain on his face. "Thank you." He closed his eyes again and took a deep breath before snapping them open as his memory of the day before returned. "Is everyone OK?"

"Everyone is fine mate, including the Belgins. Once again you saved the day."

A guarded look suddenly came over Merlin's features and it saddened Gwaine to see it. "How much does everyone remember?" the warlock asked fearfully.

"All of it," a voice answered from the other side of the bed, startling Merlin and drawing his attention for the first time to the man sitting in the chair at its side.

"A-arthur," he stammered. "I'm sorry," he felt the need to say.

"For saving us all?" Arthur raised his eyebrow. "I seriously hope you're not apologizing for that."

"No," Merlin responded, confused, "not that, at least not the saving part. Just the how I did it part I guess." Having no place to focus his gaze that did not stare back at him, he placed his forearm over his eyes instead, willing this to just be a bad dream.

"Gwaine, could I have a moment alone with Merlin please?" he heard Arthur ask.

He felt the knight's hand on his shoulder again. "Merlin?"

The warlock removed his arm from his eyes and answered the question on the knight's face. "It's alright Gwaine," he reassured him, though he was not sure himself that it truly was.

Gwaine appeared skeptical as well but moved towards the door. "Remember what I said Princess," the obvious tone of warning making Merlin curious as to what that was. "I'll be right outside if you need me," he threw at Merlin before exiting, closing the door quietly behind him.

Arthur could only watch for a second as Merlin struggled to lift himself more upright before moving to his side to try and help only to find the man shrugging him off.

"I'm fine."

"I'm only trying to help," Arthur replied placing some pillows against his servant's back to brace him before taking a seat on the edge of the bed rather than return to his chair. He could feel the tension radiating off his servant who had become engrossed in the hands clenched tightly in his lap.

"Merlin, look at me." he ordered.

The man did so, hesitantly but once his eyes met the king's, Arthur could see a sad resignation in them.

"You're a sorcerer."

"Warlock," Merlin corrected automatically though not sure why as it really didn't matter.

"There's a difference?"

Merlin nodded. "A sorcerer learns magic, draws it from the energy around him. A warlock is born with it. Magic is a part of me, flows through me like blood. I've never known a life without it."

"So you've been practicing magic even before you came to Camelot? Merlin! What in the hell were you thinking coming here?"

"My mother sent me here in the hopes I could learn to control it better. Neither of us anticipated I'd become the magical protection of a certain prattish prince."

"Why have you never told me?" Arthur asked quietly after a pause. This he realized was what bothered him most – not that Merlin had magic but that he had not trusted Arthur enough to tell him.

"Last I checked, magic was illegal in Camelot."

"That's not why."

The warlock dipped his head. "It's been ingrained in you since birth that magic is evil. For me it was drilled in that I always had to hide it or risk execution. Even when I knew it would be safe I kept quite."

"You told Lancelot."

"I didn't actually, he saw me using it. I had to enchant his lance in order for him to kill the Griffin. I've only directly ever told two people and they both had magic themselves so I'm not sure they count."

"Still. I've trusted you with everything, Merlin. It hurts to know you don't feel the same."

"How could I tell you Arthur? Everytime you started to show the slightest acceptance of magic, something would happen to harden your heart again."

"Can you blame me? Do I need to remind you that magic killed both of my parents?"

"A blade killed your father Arthur. Magic simply failed to save him."

Arthur had no response for that. Gaius had explained what had gone wrong with Dragoon's attempt to heal his father but he still couldn't help but feel bitter about it.

"So you didn't tell me because what, you thought I would have you executed?"

"I won't say it didn't cross my mind," Merlin acknowledged.

Arthur couldn't keep the hurt out of his voice. "So you kept quiet out of fear for your life."

"No, Arthur," the warlock responded quietly. "I kept my secret out of fear for yours."

The prince's gaze snapped up in surprise. "Wh-what?" he stammered. "I don't understand."

"Think about it Arthur. All your father's crusade against magic has really accomplished is put a big target on Camelot and you in particular for those who practice evil magic. Without my protection, you would have been killed many times over." The prince detected no tone of bragging in the comment. Merlin was just stating the facts. "So, worse case, you kill me or banish me. Either way, I'm gone and it's open season on you and Camelot."

"I think you're being a bit dramatic. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

"Valient, Sophia, Sigan, the Knights of Medhir, Morgana on several occasions not to mention a myriad of bandit attacks – I could go on."

"All the more reason you should have been honest with me then!" Arthur blew, rising from the bed and pacing. "People died during some of those incidents Merlin. How many deaths could have been avoided if you had just told me and could have used your powers openly?"

"No," Merlin said, his voice low and quiet in his sudden fury. "Don't you dare put that on me. You believe I don't think about that every single day? You think I don't replay every decision, wondering what I could have done differently? Keeping you alive has always been my priority Arthur, and you have no idea what I have lost in trying to fulfill that destiny so don't you dare judge me."

Arthur turned to stare at his sudden stranger of a manservant. "Are you actually angry with me? _I'm_ the one who has been betrayed here Merlin. _I'm_ the one who has been lied to for years!"

"And I was betrayed by you and your father the minute I was born!" Merlin's eyes flashed with anger as they stubbornly met Arthur's equally angry gaze. The king found himself unable to respond. How could he deny what Merlin had said? He'd been persecuted all his life simply for being born and Arthur had to acknowledge he'd never given his servant any reason to think that his own views on magic were any different from his father's. Had he been in Merlin's place, he'd probably have done the same and realizing that, his own anger began to abate.

Approaching Merlin's bed, he continued to meet the blue orbs with his own and past the anger saw more weariness and pain than someone Merlin's age should ever have had to deal with. Any residual doubt or resentment Arthur might have felt vanished at that point. He placed his hands on the slim shoulders and felt Merlin tremble slightly at the touch but resolutely continue to hold his king's eyes. Going purely on instinct, he drew the younger man to him and wrapped his arms around the boy. He felt Merlin's tension increase at first and then relax into Arthur's hold, letting his forehead rest on the king's shoulder.

Merlin was beyond shocked as Arthur was never this expressive with emotion. But once that wore off and he felt his anxiety ease at his king's simple gesture of acceptance, he felt a surge of other emotions come to the surface. Years of fear, grief and regret came flooding out and to his great embarrassment, the warlock found himself silently sobbing into Arthur's shoulder. The king just continued to hold him quietly and firmly. "It's alright, Merlin." he soothed, fighting hard to stop the tears that wanted to fill his own eyes at the pain that virtually radiated from his friend.

When Arthur felt Merlin's shaking subside, he pulled back and studied his friend, keeping his hands still on the boy's shoulders.

"Well, go ahead," the warlock tried to lighten the mood, "call me a girl, you know you want to."

"I'm so sorry Merlin," Arthur said instead

"You're sorry?" he gasped.

Arthur squeezed the thin shoulders under his grasp. "I confess – I'm hurt, perhaps still a little angry and I have a million questions for you. But for now, mostly I am sorry. Sorry for making you feel you couldn't trust me with your secret. Sorry for not realizing what you were doing and forcing you to do it alone."

Merlin was looking down at his hands again, not trusting himself to not start crying again. Arthur cupped the back his friend's head and brought his forehead to meet Merlin's. "Please don't think I don't trust you Arthur," Merlin whispered. "I trust you with my life. Of all the things I regret over the past years, having to lie to you is my biggest one. And the longer the lie went on, the more I feared you finding out. I knew you would feel betrayed and I couldn't bear being the source of that. I…I didn't want things between us to change."

With one final squeeze, Arthur pulled back so he could look his friend in the eyes again. "Of course things will change now but no matter what happens, I want you to know one thing," he whispered. "You will always be my friend and you are not alone anymore."

Merlin just bobbed his head in acknowledgment, his lips curving in a watery smile.

"No more secrets, all right?" Arthur asked.

"No more," Merlin replied solemnly.

"Good!" Arthur stated, rising from his place on the bed, "then in the new spirit of complete honesty between us may I say, Merlin, that you look like crap." He was trying to be keep his voice light, attempting to ease some of the emotional tension of the conversation but the concern was real. The fatigue and pain in Merlin's now red-rimmed eyes was obvious.

"Wow, you really know how to kick a man when he's down," the slight smile on his lips showing he recognized what the king was trying to do.

"It's a gift. How about I get that remedy from Gaius you refused to let Gwaine fetch earlier?" Before Merlin could protest, he was through the door. Both the physician and knight turned towards him tensely as he came down the stairs from Merlin's room.

"You can both relax, we only talked," he snapped -honestly, did they really have that little faith in him? Apparently they did as they both just continued to stare at him expectantly. "OK, fine. I'm not going to punish Merlin in any way for using magic. Is that what you need to hear to quit glaring at me?"

The other two just nodded, exchanging pleased grins. "Of course, I will have to fire him," the king couldn't help himself from mischievously adding. He waited a moment to let that sink in and just before either could open his mouth in protest finished, "I'm afraid he's going to be too busy helping me figure out how to change Camelot's stance on magic."

He was shocked to see tears of happiness fill the physician's eyes. "It seems destiny is well on its way," the old man whispered solemnly.

"Well it will have to wait a bit longer. He'll deny it of course but it's obvious Merlin's head is still hurting."

"Gwaine mentioned it and I rather expected it so I've already prepared something for him," Gaius said, moving towards his shelf of potions and pulling down a small bottle.

Arthur nodded his head towards the vial. "You might want to put a sleeping draught in there. He looks like he needs it."

"He does but as you well know, he really hates those."

The king shrugged, "I'll take the blame if you like."

Gaius nodded and added part of another bottle to the one in his hand before handing to the king who headed back to Merlin's room stopping just at the base of the stairs to turn back to Gaius. "He's not going to be so angry he'll turn me into a toad or something will he?"

"Unlikely, Sire," the physician reassured him, adding to Arthur's back "I doubt he'll have time before it kicks in anyway."

Arthur shot the old man a look of surprise at the joke and with that small bit of humor, he felt things start to settle back to normal. He snorted with a small chuckle at the physician and returned to Merlin's room.

He found the boy just as he had left him, raising his head from studying his hands to meet Arthur's eyes again as he entered the room. Taking in the pale face and dark circles under tired eyes, the king was resolute in his action as he handed the vial in his hand to the servant.

"Best to just chug it down," he advised. "You know it will taste vile."

"Yes, I'm very familiar with Gaius's remedies," the warlock acknowledged tossing the concoction back.

He grimaced at the taste and then his eyes became suspicious as he recognized some of the flavors.

"There's a sleeping draught in this!" he accused.

Arthur merely nodded coming to Merlin's side. "So go ahead and get comfortable before it kicks in," he ordered, helping by readjusting the pillows as Merlin settled on his side, his eyes already becoming heavy.

"Why?" he whined.

"My orders. I have a million questions that despite your obvious exhaustion, you would feel compelled to answer. So I took the decision away from both of us." He ruffled the hair on his friend's head as his eyes slipped closed. "Sleep now, there's plenty of time for talk later."

FIN

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 _A/N: Thank you for reading! I would greatly appreciate any feedback you have for future stories. What do you like to read?_


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